I got a note from a young Butch who is struggling with being Butch. Sad when one struggles so hard with just being who they authentically ARE. Pisses me off that we have nurtured a lesbian community who thinks that Butch equals male. Butch doesn’t “equal” male at all, Butch is far more than plain old male, it’s the culmination of masculine female energy and living.
There is so much going on in the LGBT community currently, that things get a bit jumbled in my head. I have several half written pieces in my cache about various things concerning various LGBT issues. I mention this because one piece is on “allies” and what constitutes an ally versus what constitutes prejudice and phobia. I look at it from underneath the proverbial “umbrella” myself. So my perspective on anything LGBT will be skewed in this fashion; bias to some degree.
Maybe I am even getting a little off topic here now, it’s because when I think of phobia both Transphobia and Butchphobia come to my mind. Because those are the two inside the community that affect me personally the most, thus the two that very first come to my thoughts. Know what I mean? Sure you do. Since I identify as Butch then Butchphobia comes to my mind when we start talking about the various phobias that we deal with as LGBT people…homophobia being our #1. And then even that doesn’t bother me as much as phobia coming from inside the LGBT community itself – some of that being internalized Butchphobia.
I find that quite a few lesbians are seriously Butchphobic. They shun the more masculine of us in the crowd. I’ve had it happen personally, watched it happen to friends and felt the pain that is a result of being dissed by my own supposed “community” members. I’ve heard it said more than once to me “oh, I don’t identify any way, I am just a regular, normal lesbian.” to which I always want to say,”Hell yeah that big fat rainbow sticker on your car says ‘LOOK I am normal and regular’ alright!”
And I want to have a big ole argument about this “Normal, Regular Lesbian” title.
I want to know what is not ‘normal’ or ‘regular’ about ME? Why can’t I be part of the normal/regular crowd? Are they afraid of me? (Maybe they fear that my masculinity will be contagious! hahaha Let me assure you that Butch doesn’t wash off or rub off on anyone else. It’s pretty permanent. Same with femmes, it doesn’t wash off like their cherry flavored lip stick!
Is it that I am Butch? Are you saying that that’s not the norm? That I can’t just be a regular Butch lesbian? Cuz that’s what I am; just your regular stock Butch lesbian. (Except when I am that “special” kind of Butch…you know, like the one you like so damned much, but are afraid of what your friends or family will think, if you ask her out. Maybe they’ll ask you the old “Why not just date a man?” fall-back question and then you would be some uncomfortable huh? The femmes that I date have dealt with this question I am sure (because they’ve told me about it). Dating a Butch lesbian is a bit like dating someone with a lesbian tattoo in the middle of their forehead, it’s usually blatantly visible that they are lesbian. (Now before you railroad me I know that there are straight Butch girls…and other sexualities of Butch out there, but for all intents and purposes of this blog we are talking about lesbians) So it’s important to me that I date strong minded femmes, because they can handle these rude questions much more effectively, and with some finesse. I love that about femmes, they will stick up for what they believe in and are loyal to. Bless their steel-plated hearts.
I don’t try to be anyone other than who I am. I don’t tell you how to identify and you don’t tell me. I try to be authentic; honest about who I am and how I see things. And I dare to be different.
(….to be continued…) I’d love to hear your thoughts below!