Five Day Photo Challenge

Crocus2015I’ve been working hard on cleaning up my yard around the house all week.  I am seeing a lot of plants poking up from the ground in all of my gardens, but in the middle of the lawn these beautiful blue crocus flowers bloom every spring.  They must have been dropped there somewhere along the years by a bird or something, because they are no where near a garden, just sitting out in the middle of the lawn.  I thought they were so pretty today, in full bloom and all, and I snapped this quick picture with my cell phone….I think the photo came out spectacular for a cell phone pic!  This was taken pre-raking of the area, so you get the full natural effect of the leaves and a stick that needed to be picked up too.  I actually left it and the area around it totally undisturbed, because it looked so beautiful in it’s natural setting.

So this is my photo of the day share with you.

There is a sort of “challenge” going around on WordPress right now where you post a photo a day for 5 days and write 5 stories/poems/paragraphs about the photo.  I was inspired to join the challenge when I saw Cee’s Photography Blog and her post today of the sunset.  She always has the best photography and photo type challenges on her blog, and it’s all quite inspiring to us amateur photographers.

I would like to see Butchcountry67 and Kris of Tangled Web both do this 5 day photo challenge too!  🙂  And anyone who is secretly wanting to also do the challenge is welcome to jump on board!  I am going to actually take a fresh photo each day instead of using recycled or previously taken photos, but you can probably do it either way, use a photo you have that has an awesome story behind it or take a new photo of something you encounter during your day.

I’ve been seeing the Bald Eagles a LOT lately. I think they’e become my totem or something.  They have evidently nested near the river between Maine and New Hampshire close to where I live.  I travel that road every day and cross the river.  Yesterday I saw one of them sitting on a stump IN the river fishing…He was just gorgeous and such a bright white head and tail, and such a HUGE bird.  I would LOVE to get a photo of one or both of the Eagles, now THAT would be a great picture if I can get close enough.  I tried yesterday, but I could only get on the bridge, and I only had my cell phone so the pictures didn’t come out very good.  I will keep trying, over the summer I am bound to catch a good picture sometime!

Peace!

~MB

Right Outlet, Write On

Writing is just the right outlet for me to release the proverbial steam vent in my head.  I’ve tried not to write lately, tried to just stop and do other things – stupid things like chores and projects; things I can do anyway whether I write or not.  I got tired of my being told what I could and could not blog about concerning my personal life, so I tried to just quit.  But it doesn’t work that way in a writers life, we write because we breathe.  It’s akin to giving up your favorite thing that you do for yourself during your days, would you do that?  Just give it up because someone else doesn’t like you doing it?  I think not.

I’ve read some great blogs this early Spring morning.  From some awesome other bloggers.  The thread that I see tying some of us together is that this is where we can vent about what is going on in our lives, and we do!  It’s needed and necessary and there is a blogger’s solidarity that comes in to play.  We read each other’s blogs, comment, try to give our best advice or opinion and boost each other up by reblogging the best stuff and linking our blogs together in a patchwork of this sort of cyber connection.

No, I just can’t stop writing, or blogging.  I may go back and remove some posts that I was too hasty to put up, and I am giving much thought to how much of myself and my days that I will reveal or rant about, but I will still write nonetheless.  I gave up a relationship that was very close to my heart recently, and I’ll be damned if I am going to give up writing too.

I’ve been battling my weight lately and it’s making me crazy.  Every winter I pack on a few extra pounds, like a Maine black bear would living in this climate.  From Halloween through New Years’ we do nothing but have parties and eat, eat, eat (because I am too damned old to live on the old standby liquid diet of my 20’s).    Now I am faced with having to lose the 20 lbs. I packed on over the winter, or buy a new wardrobe.  I tend to gain it all in my mid-section, so it’s the jeans that suffer through the size changes the most.  I have been eating far more healthy lately, but still don’t feel I am getting enough exercise, and honestly don’t feel I have the energy in me to do more very often – which is problematic for sure and something I am trying to medically attend to right now.  I was really active yesterday, raking the yard and putting stress on my body, and I ended up light headed, dizzy and had to take frequent breaks.  My stamina just isn’t there yet.  But I try to push a little more all the time, knowing that I can do it, and the weight will come off slowly over the Spring and Summer months.  Now next cold season I am going to figure out how to NOT eat all that seasonal food and continue to exercise to keep myself more trim.  I’ll never be skinny…and nobody likes a skinny Butch anyway!  But I can definitely lose the 20 necessary pounds and be much happier with myself; it’s already started to come off, I just have to keep up my vigilance to make sure I don’t back-slide into bad habits again.  I’m lucky to be in as good a shape as I am for my age and all anyways….but one can always strive to be better!

I’ve been pretty quiet and staying to myself these last couple of weeks.  Things just don’t quit in my head or in my heart, and it’s an adjustment period that I am going through right now.  I’ve had to let go of things, and people, like this before and it’s so very difficult and sometimes just downright sucks.  But you can’t fight someone who is very stuck in their thought pattern and is unwilling to listen to reason.  I have my reality and I know what’s going on, I know things will become easier with time and I will remember only the most important points.  With every interaction there is an equal and opposite reaction, it’s how you handle it all that counts.  I’m handling this in the best way I know how for all concerned.  I do thank my lucky stars for the couple of closer friends that I have who have been very supportive to me.

Ok, off to the shower and to start my day here.  I’ve got to fill my time so that I don’t over-think things.  I hope you all have a great day as well.   Rock on.   ~MB

Great Blog Links

This is hilarious…and oh so relateable as a Butch…The Fugly Dyke Chronicles, by Heather Hogan, published through Autostraddle and oh so worth the repost here and everywhere!  This blogger has got her shit together and her writing is great.

And thanks ButchCountry67 for turning me on to this funny video of Bill Maher on the whole Gay Cake topic (link takes to to the video).  Gay marriage debates just incense me.  And fundamentalists do NOT run America.

I’m really tired tonight, after a really full day of doing stuff. And my right ankle has a really painful bone spur that it keeps locking up on, so not all the outside tasks got finished today. but they’re started and well on the way to looking good out there in no time at all now.  I’ll be working outside again tomorrow I’m sure.  BC67 wrote about projects today too, and I have my own project list in my head too…it’s never ending when you own property that you have to maintain the outside appearances of and keep ready for whichever season is next.  But I wouldn’t trade it for anything right now.  Spring is finally here in Maine and Summer is coming.  Everything will be bright and new, soon the trees will be sprouting new leaves and the promise of beautiful days ahead is in the air.

The puppy is going to need an outside pen for this year…this has just occurred to me because I tried working outside today and tried to keep my eye on a guinea pig sized dog that moves like a blowing leaf in the wind at the same time.  So I am going to try to think up something, go through my miscellaneous wood and materials in my shed and figure out how to build a small enclosure to contain her while i work outside. She does love being out there with me and Nola.  She has been trying to force a friendship with Nola…which is slowly coming I can see.  Nola is very attentive to where the pup is all the time and checks on her quite frequently.  So a pen is on my to-do list for sure.

My problem with the to-do lists is that I can keep 3 lists going at once.  The first is things that I need to do like today, and are non-negotiable, like grocery shopping or getting dog chow.  The second is stuff that needs to be done, but doesn’t necessarily have to happen today so to speak, like laundry or fixing the screen door closure.  The third list is that of the “project” variety, like jacking up the shed and re-leveling it this Spring, and re-aligning the decks, and things like that.  Now the problem with any of these lists is that I am sooooo ADD that things get started….oh look something shiney….and they don’t get finished in any consensual order.  I can also add to any or all of the lists at any given time…which can result in some incredible lists of shit for one person to keep up with doing.  And when I am working a job it’s a whole other story in keeping up the household.  Some days I just want to put my head in my hands and cry…it feels overwhelming, but then I remember that I can do this, and I always get it done so not to worry.  Plus the world won’t end if something has to wait a little while longer.

I’m off to a hot shower and clean lounge clothes and some mindless television watching before bed.  Have a great night!  ~MB

Short Update

I’ve been really quiet the couple of weeks, I just don’t have alot to say – either verbally or in writing.  Just haven’t felt much like talking to anyone.

LuluThis has been taking up most of my time and keeping me occupied…chasing her around, feeding and making sure no one steps on the little pipsqueak.

She is still trying to befriend Nola, and Nola is still playing hard to get.  But that’s Nola for ya, she’s always been snobby to other dogs. She will come around as the pup gets big enough to play more roughly with, right now she races by the pup and spins her in the process.

Sleeping arrangements are solid.  Nola sleeps with me in my bed and Lulu has her own Pack n Play playpen where she sleeps in the other room. This keeps the peace.

The two of them went to the veterinarian’s last Wednesday, and both are in stellar health.  The puppy weighed 1.3 lbs. and Nola weighed 16 lbs.  So she’s down a little from her last visit, and looks great.  Both are very healthy, thank my lucky stars. I was smart and took our a health insurance policy on the puppy, since she’s so young and it seemed like a good think go have should I ever have any health emergencies with her.  When Nola was very young she suffered from seizures and it about put me in the poor house paying for all of her emergency vet visits.  She did out grow them, but they are something that some of the mini breeds do have as puppies sometimes from what I am told.

meandLuluSpring is finally here.  The snow is gone save for some really hardcore remnants of higher snowbanks. My property is about 95% clear and I have started the raking and outdoor clean up process.  I’ll be doing more of that today, just taking a mid-day break to see my therapist at noon.  It’s amazing how much work goes into keeping  a nice yard.  I love doing it, but I do have torn rotator cuffs in both shoulders that bother me, and nerve damage in my right arm which makes it half go numb…so I do take frequent breaks from the repeated raking to rest it up and try not to do any further damage.  I’m supposed to get shots in the shoulder and in my c-spine on the 22nd.  That ought to be an experience.  The shots won’t cure the problem, but they will ease the pain some at least for a couple of months.  It’s just a bitch getting old.  But it happens to everyone!

So that’s what’s happening in the sometimes boring life of this old Butch lately. Still just hanging in there making life work on a daily basis.  Still very single and still waiting to meet the woman of my dreams.   I’m still not feeling much like blogging, but after getting quite a number of messages from other bloggers and readers I thought I would do this short blog to let you all know that I am still alive and doing okay.  Peace.  ~MB

New Pup!

I have adopted a little Pomeranian puppy who was orphaned at birth and hand-raised by my cousin.  A few days ago my cousin called and asked if I was interested in adopting her, and of course I said yes!!!  She’s tiny, about 8 weeks old now and still on a mixture of puppy formula and soft food four times a day, and once during the night sometimes. She’ll play with the hard kibble, but it takes her a while to figure out how to eat it.  I’ve named her Lulu Belle.  Nola is going to help me raise her and train her.

Already she’s very good about using the wee-wee pads, as my cousin and the other woman who rescued her and her little brother had been working with them to use the pads and eat solid food.  I’m really happy they called me to adopt this little girl, she’s just precious.

Here are a couple of photos of her, and one of my friend, Suretta, holding her.  Ain’t she some damned cute???

I’m sure I’ll be posting more photos of her as she grows and adapts to my little household here.

013

009 005

Just Shattered

I am so upset I can’t even function normally.  I cry so much my eyes hurt.  FUCK THIS  I am done blogging on this site.   I’m done blogging period.  I am exiting all social media and taking a break.  I don’t understand why I hurt so fucking much,nothing makes any sense anymore.  I am just shattered.  Peace. Out.  ~Ang

Rabbit Rabbit

Rabbit Rabbit…..it’s an old custom/suspicion to say Rabbit Rabbit on the first day of the new month, as your first words to greet the month and for good luck…which I desperately NEED right now.  I can’t sleep, my stomach is upset, my thoughts are jumbled and I’m having anxiety attacks faster than I can swallow the anti-anxiety pills.  Rabbit Rabbit, please fix this.

I’m up in the middle of the night, per usual, and reading.  I find reading can sometimes calm me and redirect my thoughts to other things.  It’s not working tonight so well, but I did just reblog a blog from SuddenAwareness about being Butch that was interesting.  I find that there are many flavors of Butch, I’m just one flavor and I do it MY way, as everyone should be free to do for themselves.  Butch type “traits” can be found in just about anyone actually, even if they don’t identify with Butch as their gender as I do.  The article is interesting, and really tears into the specifics of everything.

Coffee #2.  I have a close friend who is welcoming a new grandbaby into this world today, thank you C section.  Oh to be born on April 1st….the jokes will be endless for the child as she grows up I am sure.  I had an Aunt, rest her soul, who was born on this day.  It’s one of those birthday days that is not easily forgettable, kind of like being born on a leap year February 29th.  I just hope and pray the baby is born and everything is okay for both her and her mom.  I’m sure my friend will be present for the birth and will be right in line to hold the little bundle of joy….Congratulations to them all!  And welcome to this fucked up world little one!

Coffee #3….ok, I am wide awake!  Looks like a nap will be in order later today.

On a political note….Indiana, and now Arkansas, have passed these “religious freedom” bills that make it legal for businesses to discriminate against LGBT people, based upon the so-said “religious beliefs” of the business or it’s owners (i.e. Hobby Lobby as an example, hates LGBT people).  It’s all over social media and our news programs because it’s become a hot topic of debate this week.  Personally I was pretty shocked when the Indiana governor signed the bill into law.  It doesn’t make sense to have a law that is so blatantly wrong.  And it just shows how backwards some parts of our country still are today.

The backlash of passing such a law in Indiana and Arkansas has people like Apple’s CEO and now Walmart’s CEO saying they will boycott states that pass such discriminatory laws…One up for Walmart…years ago they were not on the right side of history on this issue either.  I recall in the early 80’s when an issue of Newsweek came out about “Lesbians” and Walmart would not sell the issue or display it on their racks (I happened to have been IN that issue as a lesbian veteran) and this caused a huge uproar in the LGBT community, making us boycott Walmart for some time.  I’m not saying that Walmart has gotten vastly better on this issue, but I think that they have progressed some.

Recently I visited the local new Hobby Lobby, just out of curiosity.  And it was just plain scary.  The religious overtone of the whole place was just weird.  Jesus was in about every display in some form or another, and I didn’t care for it being so blatantly in my face.  Plus the people even had been imported from some southern Baptist place it seemed.  Believe me my friend and I were watched carefully through our whole visit….and eyed with some serious amount of distrust.  I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, and I will never go back there.  It’s not a place I feel welcome or that I can support with my money.  I’ll be sticking with Michael’s for my crafting supplies, believe me.

I don’t believe that anyone has the right to discriminate against anyone else for race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or anything else.  In a perfect world this wouldn’t happen, but we don’t live in that perfect world.  I hope that the governor of Indiana lives up to his promise to fix the law so that it’s clear that it will not discriminate as it does now.  And as for Arkansas…well, they are just backwards to begin with.  I lived there in Arkansas for a short time, and the religious overtones and blatant discrimination drove me out –along with the very real amount of white supremacy and racism that I encountered while there.  It’s no wonder that the KKK still successfully thrives in Arkansas, and it’s a shameful thing.

With that being said, I am happy to say that Maine has anti-discrimination laws and I am glad that I live here.  It may not be the best climate (in my opinion because I hate winter) all the time, but it’s a nice place to live.  A very diverse area, where I can happily live and exist openly as a Butch lesbian without much fear of recrimination or discrimination.  While I have encountered discrimination here, it’s been from individuals and not from business entities.  I encountered severe discrimination and outward hatred in both Arkansas and Utah for being who I am…major incidents primarily with hospitals in both places occurred.  Sad events, but very eye-opening for sure.

Ok, I think I will have another coffee and try some more reading.  I hope you, dear readers, are having great days!

Peace

~MB

What is “butch”, anyway?

This is a great piece by SuddenAwareness. and I quote: “For me, butch as my gender is the balancing point of multiple markers of identity, both internal and outward. Inside, butch looks and feels like a collection of contrasting pairs of characteristics, mostly in balance: Masculine, not necessarily male. Resilient and sensitive in nearly equal measure. Preferring logic to emotion, yet with infinite emotional capacity. Assertive but not really aggressive. “

Sudden Awareness

Right off the bat, let’s be clear: when it comes to identity of any ilk, whether gender, sexual, cultural, political, social, or any other categorization a human wishes to adopt, there is no single answer that is right or wrong, real or synthetic, valid or invalid, except the one (or many) that each individual accepts or applies to themselves. So this post is a musing of my mind, perhaps snarky, maybe confused, likely rambling, certainly incomplete. But this post is NOT and is NEVER intended to be a one-size-fits-no one-forcing-of-my-opinion-on-anyone-else.

Also, let me acknowledge that what’s real and central for me in my butch identity may not be recognizable as butch to anyone else. I think I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating because it is critical that everyone reading this understands that I am in no way invalidating anyone else’s identity or gender experience or expression by exploring…

View original post 1,803 more words