Being my authentic self means I am never concerned with putting on airs of being any other way than the way that I am in this world. I don’t enjoy any cloak of invisibility in my life. What you see is what you get with me. I walk the world as my authentic self every day. I have serious aversion to trying to be any other way, or to fake anything. I think that I have steeled myself to the world’s prejudices against people like me, and I just don’t buy into there being any other choice than to be authentic and real.
Sometimes I feel inferior or not enough in some circumstances. I feel like there is always more for me to learn about people, things, places, etc. And life IS a constant stream of learning, of subtle changes in each person, of hardening and softening, and of giving and taking.
I spend a good amount of time alone. Just me and my dog. Sometimes I yearn for the contact of another person. I yearn for the physical touch of someone else. Not just anyone, but the touch of only one who I trust not to break my fragile shell. I can be so tough, yet so weak at times. The touch I crave does not push me beyond my boundaries; and it itself is authentic in it’s own desire. I wish for that touch, that kiss, and that authenticity as well.
I suffer a well of loneliness sometimes, I wonder if as authentic as I can be is enough for someone to notice me and want me in ways that I might want them in my life. Perhaps my edges are too sharp and prominent but to tone it down would be betraying myself in so many ways. Thus I continue on hoping that I will indeed be enough one day.
I’ve been through some storms in life; had my share of troubles and trying times. I am sure they’re not over yet either. Every day brings something new to the table, and every day I deal with it the very best that I am able. My convictions are clear, I am formed by my past experiences and trials, making me a stronger warrior.
Inspired by Dawn to Don