Feeling Lost

I have a good amount of ADD.  I’ve been working with the doctor and therapist on this lately.  I can’t seem to concentrate or focus on things that I need to be focused on.  My thoughts race and things don’t get done, or get partially done, or I procrastinate them for days.  It’s gotten worse as I have gotten older, I swear.  I’m in the middle of a project now here at the house that I HOPE to finish today.  But it has taken some serious concentration to get it done, lemme tell ya….oh look something shiney…..heh

I live alone.  I have to take care of the house, inside and out, by myself, plus taking care of myself, the dog and the truck along with the house.  I also have a few other interests, things that I do, like my writing for one, and various artsy types of things for another (which is supposed to help me with my focus).  Those can be seen by some as hobbies I suppose.  But to me my writing is far more than just a hobby, it’s something that demands my time and attention and that I do as part of a routine everyday.  I guess it’s a pretty boring and mundane life, but I enjoy it because I like the solitude I think.  I’m just meant to be alone.

I used to read a lot more than I do now.  Books are important to me, printed paper books.  But with the ADD I find it hard to focus to read more than a chapter or two, when I used to be able to sit and read a whole book in a day. I can’t recall the last time I actually really enjoyed reading a good book.  Sad.

I been feeling a bit lost lately.  Not sure of what to do or where I belong.  Or even if I belong anywhere.  Sometimes I feel like I am just floating through this existence waiting for the inevitable death to come upon me and to move on to whatever is next.  Maybe it’s just the ADD, with which I have become a creature of habit and consistency…when you take something away that I am focused on and interact with every day it sort of messes up my world for a little while.  Yeah, I’m missing something.


2 thoughts on “Feeling Lost

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  1. Have you tried audiobooks? They leave your hands free to take on other projects, or even for you to go for a walk/go to the gym, and the book pacing might make it easier to follow. Doesn’t work for everyone, but it might be worth a shot.

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