Feeling Lost

I have a good amount of ADD.  I’ve been working with the doctor and therapist on this lately.  I can’t seem to concentrate or focus on things that I need to be focused on.  My thoughts race and things don’t get done, or get partially done, or I procrastinate them for days.  It’s gotten worse as I have gotten older, I swear.  I’m in the middle of a project now here at the house that I HOPE to finish today.  But it has taken some serious concentration to get it done, lemme tell ya….oh look something shiney…..heh

I live alone.  I have to take care of the house, inside and out, by myself, plus taking care of myself, the dog and the truck along with the house.  I also have a few other interests, things that I do, like my writing for one, and various artsy types of things for another (which is supposed to help me with my focus).  Those can be seen by some as hobbies I suppose.  But to me my writing is far more than just a hobby, it’s something that demands my time and attention and that I do as part of a routine everyday.  I guess it’s a pretty boring and mundane life, but I enjoy it because I like the solitude I think.  I’m just meant to be alone.

I used to read a lot more than I do now.  Books are important to me, printed paper books.  But with the ADD I find it hard to focus to read more than a chapter or two, when I used to be able to sit and read a whole book in a day. I can’t recall the last time I actually really enjoyed reading a good book.  Sad.

I been feeling a bit lost lately.  Not sure of what to do or where I belong.  Or even if I belong anywhere.  Sometimes I feel like I am just floating through this existence waiting for the inevitable death to come upon me and to move on to whatever is next.  Maybe it’s just the ADD, with which I have become a creature of habit and consistency…when you take something away that I am focused on and interact with every day it sort of messes up my world for a little while.  Yeah, I’m missing something.


Author: MainelyButch

I am a pretty relaxed, proud, Butch and a native Mainer who enjoys reading, writing, blogging, vlogging and social interaction. I live in southern Maine, near the coast with my 2 small dogs and I hail from a very large, loving family that is historically rooted here. I write about my life, my experiences, living successfully with HIV, my YouTube experiences, and just about anything that piques my interest. This blog may contain profanity and sexual situations, and is not intended for younger audiences. Read at your own risk. At 54 I see life as just beginning a new chapter, and have decide this is the time that I need to write the stories that got me to this point. I believe we live our lives in chapters, changing, evolving and moving continuously with the times. I love to laugh, have discussions, debates and even the occasional nonsense conversation! I generally enjoy people, but not drama, hatred, ignorance or those who choose to feel they are somehow elite or superior to another simply due to their mere existence. I try to be very conscious of the health of the world around me - environmentally, socially, economically, and ethically. The people who are dear to me know me as having a tough exterior, filled with marshmallow and crunchy peanut butter. I continually strive to be the best I can be, especially to address life head on...always.

2 thoughts on “Feeling Lost”

  1. Have you tried audiobooks? They leave your hands free to take on other projects, or even for you to go for a walk/go to the gym, and the book pacing might make it easier to follow. Doesn’t work for everyone, but it might be worth a shot.

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