I’m feeling a lot better today, feels like a big weight has been taken off my shoulders. I just can’t be responsible for other peoples’ feelings, and they don’t know mine without being in my head. When someone assumes that they “know” what I am thinking it just pisses me off to no end, and makes them look like an idiot for thinking they are a mind reader.
Let’s talk about emotional connections. One of the deepest connections we can make to another human is on an emotional level. When we get involved in long distance relationships it’s generally the investment that we make; and emotional one. The very basis of the situation becomes emotion and thought process. I’m guilty of this, I have found myself far too emotionally involved and invested in a person than I should have been, in a long distance situation. Then I found out that other people were involved, giving advice about “me” and I don’t even know them! You cannot combat or defend yourself from the irrational and unfounded fears of other people, and they will come up with all kinds of stupid shit about you –even though they have no idea who you are or what you are about — to feed to someone about you. Plus, that is stupid high school / college child’s play. Keeping a relationship between the two parties involved is a very important and mature thing to do. I personally do not share my romantic issues with my friends or family…it’s none of their business, and they do not “know” the person, so how can they ever give me good advice about that person? I’d rather trust my own senses and intuition; I’m an adult, I can do that myself.
If you are in a friendship or relationship with someone far away you have to learn that there are limits. You can’t be there to look someone in the eyes, and tell them how you feel. You depend on the spoken and written word to convey this and you better be good with those words, cuz it’s all you have really got.
Sure, in today’s world we have Skype, which is awesome if it’s used consistently. It’s much better than texting or emailing by far. I would rather have someone have the guts to face me on camera and talk to me in real time than to try to have harder conversations with me via text or email…which is just a cop out. And if someone is Skyping you constantly and then quits…watch out, it’s never good…and generally signals the end is coming soon, as they are afraid to face you.
Maturity..this is important because dealing with someone who doesn’t have mature emotional structure is a bitch. Make sure you are on and equivalent mental playing field. And that you understand where your place is; where you stand. I always like to know where I stand, what the real deal is and I need someone mature enough to be able to know that for themselves — without the input of outside influences — but to know what is in their own heart and mind. Someone mature enough to make their own choices and decisions is refreshing.
Make sure the person you are falling for has fallen for themselves. If a person is down on herself, cuts herself down constantly and belittles herself, then she’s probably very insecure and looking to be boosted up by someone else. A person has to learn to really love themselves before they can ever really love another person, or be loved by another person. Sometimes it’s just the “idea” that that other person loves them that they fall for; what they think that person can be or could be if with them.
Terms are important. Being “just friends” generally imparts that each will be dating other people. Being put in the “friends” box means just that, you are friends. Friends have different interests, and separate lives. Friends will encourage each other to find happiness, and if that means dating someone else, then so be it. If you want more than that say it loud. Make sure you have matching expectations of the relationship, or friendship.
People have lives wherever they live in the world. Sometimes those lives interrupt. Sometimes we meet people in our daily lives that seem to fill that need in us that we somehow think they can fill. Sometimes those people are there for a moment in time, then gone. Just because she’s there today doesn’t mean she’ll be there tomorrow, anything can happen — and will happen. Change, it is the only constant in life. Get used to it. Learn how to navigate change without fear.
I adapt to change fairly well. But some do not. I like a mature woman who knows what she wants and is willing to do the work to get it. Sometimes it’s not all roses, there are thorns especially when dealing with a Butch, but love is worth a little blood, sweat and tears I do believe. Nothing is perfect, never will be, but we can make it as good as we can and we can be happy if we let ourselves; if we let go of the fear and unnecessary worry.
You can change your clothes, change your hair, change your friends, but you can’t change who YOU ARE. And when you find someone who loves you for exactly who you are, without trying to change you or tell you you are doing it wrong, then you are very lucky indeed.