Tattoos

So, butchcountry67 posted about tattoos today, and I will follow suit, just because it’s a good topic to end the day and year with.  My numerous tats can all be shown without showing my junk…hehe, bc..you crack me up.

Tattoos are funny.  Back in 1980 when I got my first one on my right bicep it was very uncool to be a female and have any kind of tattoo…it was definitely a rebel move on my part.  The tat is of a magic mushroom and is a tribute to my teenage years and some old running buddies.  I’d love to have it covered now with an eagle, which I may get around to and be willing to spit the cash for in 2015…as BC says, it’s an expensive and self-inflicted painful obsession with some of us.

My second, Jan ’81, is on my left forarm, and is a tribute to my drug years again, it says Born to Live on Sugar Mountain…an old Neil Young song.  Again…I wish I had had more sense and not gotten that one but it’s there now and it’s staying.  It’s rather large to cover, about 4″ across by 3″ top to bottom…a cover would be huge, dark and way more obtrusive than that little bit of harmless ink.

My third was a drunken night on the town…a jolly roger on my right shoulder blade on my back.  I had it covered partially years ago by making it into a full flag with a thorny rose branch climbing the flag pole…a tribute to loves thorns.  Those prickly moments when love just sucks, but we all want to go thru them because they remind us we are human.

My fourth is on the back of my neck, it’s Kanje for “Believe”  Many people across the country, around the world have this tattoo in memory of cancer victims who fight battles…one woman started it years ago, and many of us followed by getting this tattoo in solidarity. There was even a book done with hundreds of photos of people sporting this “Believe” tattoo.   I got it around the time of my split from my ex, and she got the same tattoo…she’s since changed hers, and I have tentative plans to change my own.

My fifth is on my right inside forearm…it’s Kanje Chinese for “Love Conquers All”  A stupid, stupid, stupid tattoo.  I regret that one the most.  I will cover it with a Chinese dragon at some point.  I had wanted Kanje for years, but didn’t think it through very well when I did get it.

My last are the stars behind my right ear, trailing down my neck.  That’s my favorite and I wish I had done them slightly different, but they can always be recolored and redone.

Tattoos are some of the imprints of different times in my life. They all bring back memories of various people and events that happened or were happening at the time I got each piece of ink.  We go through life meeting people who form various bits of who we eventually become along the way.  If we didn’t take chances with them, we would miss out on so very many things.  Even though things change, and don’t always work out you can’t stop trying to connect with people along the way through life. You miss too much fun and too much love along the way if you avoid pain.  Pain is just proof that we feel…it’s just the price we pay for love and learning.

2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 35,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 13 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Looking Back…While Looking Ahead…

It’s three days after Christmas and I was just looking forlornly at my cute little Christmas tree, thinking that it didn’t get that much love again this year.  I really need to figure out next year how to get more into the Christmas spirit again.  I used to be all about the holiday, but in the last couple of years I just haven’t been into it as much.  I’d like to decorate my house more, but no one but me really notices or sees it.  I wish I had more visitors.  My family is local, but they rarely come by my place to visit.  Mom does come by sometimes, but just for a few brief moments to pick me up or to drop something off to me.  And my buddy from up the street comes by quite often, which is nice.

I am a fairly solitary type of person, I’m okay living alone with my dog…I’ll always have a dog or two around.  They’re good company, gives me a little buddy to take care of and play with.  Without a dog, especially little Nola, I’d be one lost puppy myself.  Pardon the pun.  She grounds me in some ways, keeps me remembering to go home and take care of her, keeps me thinking about something other than myself.  Which is a good thing.

I tend to keep people at arms length.  Everyone has their dark side.  I’ve seen a few dark sides and I’m walking more cautiously now with people so that I don’t see anymore.  Hell I have my own dark side, don’t I know that all too well.

So, I am sort of staggering into this New Year wondering what will be in store.  I know I need to find another job, cuz the one I have sucks wind.  I know I need to socialize more, meet more people and get out of my own zone.  I get too comfortable in this zone I create for myself, then I miss that opportunity to get out and meet new people, and have new experiences.  I’m always wanting to do different things, but I chicken out because I would have to go stag…and that’s never fun, but it’s time to start doing just that.  Stag or not I am getting out more, having more fun and meeting new people.

I don’t know why I am like I am with people.  I just don’t trust most of them.  I’m very leery of peoples’ motives and reasons for wanting to be friends.  What do I bring to their lives that they can’t get somewhere else?  Someone told me this logical stuff, that it’s all a mathematical equation, that everything is numbers.  Well, it’s about time for my number to come the fuck up…and I don’t know that I believe that it’s all just numbers…oh I know that the scientists claim that everything is based on numbers, but I don’t get how personal relationships can be based on numbers.  She explained it in a very logical way, but still I’m not buying it.  I think it’s also got a lot to do with personal choice, commitment and responsibility.  It’s got a lot to do with how one feels, and allows themselves to feel.

I know that I’m not any different than anyone else.  I want the same stupid shit.  I just want to be happy enough so I don’t live in misery, I just want to have enough so I don’t live in a box, and I just want to love enough so that I’m not always alone.  I actually need to work on all three of this equation.  I can’t seem to do anything the easy way.  I’ve always walked harder roads, and I am beginning to think that I do it on purpose so that I can self-sabotage my progress when I want to do so.

I’m not a terribly unhappy person.  I tend to run pretty even keeled.  I used to have a temper, but that has quieted down quite considerably without the drugs and alcohol fueling it.  But there is a sort of deep resentment that I seem to feel, but can’t quite put my finger on it.  I don’t take it out on anyone, and because I am not really that close to anyone it doesn’t affect anyone else.  But I feel it when I’m alone. I need to take up some sort of physical activity like kick boxing, it might help me to channel some inner anger and frustration.  I know a gym is in my future, I’m just not that excited about it as usual.

And I am secure enough in my home life, working when I have to and making things come together that I’m not worried about living in a box any time soon.  I’ve always been one to land on my feet no matter what, and I may do a few flips on the way down, but I’ll be on those feet and somewhat secure in my being.  I may hate this job, but there are others, and I have my ways of making things work out.  I find solutions.

My luck in love remains to be seen.  I’m pretty content…and patient.

So, on another topic, I’ve been reading so many blogs lately…and I’m seeing this sort of “trend” that worries me with Butch lesbians taking that leap and transitioning to male.  I shutter to think I’m even going to write about this, because it’s such a touchy subject, but hey, my blog can be controversial and I am pretty open with what I am thinking most of the time with these politicized subjects.  I just have to wonder about it.  I mean even with my having had top surgery I still don’t relate to wanting any more or to wanting to be a man.  I guess I was not born with that defect, as it’s explained to me by others.  It just worries me with the younger crowd, particularly those in their early 20’s that I see taking this difficult path.  I remember being in my 20’s and not knowing what the hell was really going on in life.  (I write this after I jsut swallowed another couple of Text X180’s and applied my daily regimen of testosterone…damn, I’m a hypocrite sometimes).  I guess while I desire to be more masculine looking, I don’t desire to be male.  And I am assuming (ass out of u and me) that if I did desire to be male I would be transitioning as well.  When we are in our 20’s life is all about figuring out how to deal with things on our own, without our parents (or it should be!) and how to survive and thrive.  We’re not that worried about retirement or getting old because at that age you just don’t think those things will ever happen to you.  I’ve talked about this before, how life sort of comes in chapters, it really does.  You just don’t see it until you get to about chapter 4 or 5 and look back on things.

So I worry about my fellow young Butches and wonder if they are feeling pressure to transition nowadays, is that something that goes on with the younger crowd?  I can imagine it’s quite different from when I was in my 20’s (back in the 80’s).  Back then everyone tried to look alike, it was the age of androgynous looking lesbians, the word Butch was a slur and you didn’t want to be associated with it even if you knew it truly described exactly who you were (raising my hand).  As impressionable as kids are in their 20’s it would be very difficult to live with pressure to transition from one’s own community if you already have masculine leanings, such as are already solidly Butch.  Does anyone else see this?  I’m not saying that no one should transition, but I do worry about pressure to do so in today’s gender-fluid world.  What will we look back and think about this 20 or 30 years from now?  And how will it be different then?

As we grow older we settle into ourselves much more over time.   I know I have.  I am far more comfortable with my own sexuality and gender expression now than I ever was when I was young.  When I should have been enjoying it and celebrating it more back in my 20’s I was more afraid of who knew and what people thought of me and my lifestyle.  Looking back I realize it never mattered; none of it mattered.  What did matter then was that I was in the US Army and they didn’t take kindly to my lifestyle or sexuality at that time.  Other than that I could have lived a lot more openly and been a lot more comfortable in my own skin, knowing that none of it really matters in the long run.

Oh the things we would all do so differently if we had the knowledge that we have at 50 when we were 20 or 30!!  I would have not gotten involved with the drug scene that I was involved with for years, I would have taken far better care of my  body, I would have stopped smoking at 20 for sure.  And a rash of other things. I would have been more sensitive to who I shared parts of my life with, wouldn’t have dated some of the women I dated, and would have dated other that I had turned down.  Ah, to see backwards all too clearly.  But life isn’t like that.  It’s not about the destination at all but about the journey…I’m sure someone has said that in some quote book somewhere.  The journey is all you really have, there is no fucking destination.  The end result destination for all of us is the big dirt nap.  Yup.  It’s true.  Right as rain.  You can acquire all the crap in the world, have piles of cash and cars, and still you’ll be in the same place I will be eventually…pushing up daisies, or dust in the wind.

I don’t fret too much about the destination at all.  I know the end outcome of this game called life.  But I do fret abou the journey at times.  Lately I think it’s really been on my mind because I feel like I am on pause or something.  I have these ideas in my head like about doing a book or two, and about how the hell I am supposed to get to that point, or even if it’s a good idea or not.  I don’t look at doing a book as any sort of income thing, but more of just something I want to leave behind in the world when I do take that nap. A mark.  Something that says I was here.

I took a look at Wendi Kali’s new book The Butch Femme Photo Project, which I ordered from Barnes and Noble Booksellers and received in 3 days flat…thank you US Postal Service, you come through once again.  It’s a nice coffee table book of portraits of people who identify along the Butch-Femme-Trans* spectrum.  Very nicely done and I can see she really put her heart into the book.  I recommend everyone support her and buy a copy.  It’s a nice piece on any coffee table, and one I am proud to own.

My book about Butch-Femme in photos looks very different in the vision in my head.  It is an idea that I have been toying with and one where I will need the input of a couple of good, if not several good, photographers from the B-F community.  I wish I had Wendi’s guts to throw it out into a Kickstarter campaign and go for it.  It’s so damned risky, and would mean I’d be on the road on and off for about a year doing it, expensive and I still have to maintain my home here in Maine somehow.  There is room for this book I speak of though, and it would be well received I believe….I have to figure out how to pull it together.  I’m working on this.  May be time to call in my editor ex….mhm.  I am inspired to do something new for 2015…and I’ve been talking about doing a book for as long as I can remember.  Self publishing is an option, but I’d rather get in with a good LGBT publishing house.  Sounds like a big giant project to me.  Perhaps that’s just what I need.

 

Post Christmas Day

Ah, Christmas Day is behind us once again…another year come and gone…I sit here this early morning thinking about it and considering that overall it was a very nice day.  I spent the better part of the day with my good friend Suretta and my large family, all of whom were very well behaved!  We hung out for a few hours drinking mimosas and talking, then we sat down – 17 of us at one very long nicely set table – and enjoyed a fine cut of prime rib roast with au jus, mashed potatoes, grilled asparagus (yes, we grill in December in Maine), broccoli, cranberry sause, awesome home made sweet bread and all the fixings.  It was truly delicious!   Prime rib is one of my most favorite red meats, although I don’t consume much red meat anymore out of concern for my health, but when I do it’s going to be a very good cut of prime rib or filet mignon.

After dinner was over and we went through the clean up and rearranging of the house we all sat down and began opening presents.  It was sweet to see ALL of my nuclear family in one place on Christmas day.  That has not happened in many, many years.  There was even a group picture taken afterwards, I hope to get that posted as soon as my sister gets it up on her Facebook.  It’s not often that we have all of the family together for a group picture like that, it’s been a couple of years now since the last time.  But when we do we make sure that our family photographer, my sister Deb, gets some good shots.

The kids are all growing up.  The youngest, the twins, are 12 now…it’s amazing how fast life happens.  The two of them got new HP computers for Christmas and were happy little people.  My nephew Hayden immediately put stickers all over his – just like I do with mine!  I know those computers will be a big help in my brother’s household where they were all using 2 laptops to do all the homework and household stuff, plus Steven using one to work from home on proposals on occasion.  Now hopefully the kids will take good care of their new units, and hopefully they’ve been pre-installed with virus and malware protection, as well as parental controls.  They’re good kids, but hey even us good kids can’t help but peek at a little smut and porn once in a while!  hahaha

I got more new clothes from my mother.  Luckily she knows my taste pretty good, and also I show her things when we are out shopping that I like.  So I got a nice Izod sweat shirt, 2 new pairs of flannel pajama pants (which means I need to cull my collection of pajama pants and get rid of some of them..tooo many!) a nice new button down shirt.  I also got my AAA+ membership paid for for 2015, some gift cards, a new journal, some gourmet coffee and a few other little trinkets.  I’m a very lucky and a very spoiled rotten Butch.

I am thinking that I may have to do a closet over-haul.  I’ve picked up quite a few new clothes the last month or so –those damned Christmas sales!  So now my closet – which is 8 feet long and 3 feet deep is chock full.  I need to figure out how to organize it better and perhaps even install a shelving system that will accomodate my clothes properly. I hate it when they are packed int here like sardines, it wrinkles them.  I’m not into ironing my own clothing much, but I will do it.  I’d rather take it to the dry cleaners and have them clean and press everything nicely.  But if I have to I can iron with the best of them, it’s an old Army skill.  The key is starch.

Yesterday before I got dressed I took the time to shine my black boots up.  That’ s a little chore that brings back so many memories of my days in the service.  And these were my black Timberland Pros, so they really looked great once I was done.  My brother even noticed them, with some envious eyes I might add.  Hell, they ARE great boots.

My other brother Paul was there yesterday.  I hadn’t seen him since one day last summer when I went over to his place to get some veggies from his gardens.  He’s the one who inherited my mother’s green thumb for sure.  He can grow anything.  It’s good to see him.  His life is so tumultuous with his long time girlfriend who is very volatile and explosive.  She’s not allowed near the rest of the family because of her bizarre behavior.  She can be quite abrasive and downright violent.  Not a good example for the kids to be allowing her to behave like that and then pretending it didn’t happen.  We did that a few times, but after she really hurt him physically once and ended up in jail for it we had to exile her from the clan.  I don’t know what he sees in her, she treats him so horribly, and is so screwed up herself.  I think he pities her in some ways, and I think he doesn’t think he’ll find another girl so he stays with her.  Not a reason to stay with someone in my book.  I’d rather be alone rather than live with that kind of volatility and abuse.  My mom and sisters and I all worry about him, we’re afraid she’s going to kill him in his sleep or something horrible like that one day.  She’s just that tweaked in the brain.  There are a million stories I could relate to back up these claims, but it’s not worth going into here.  I just wish he would break free from her and begin to live again.

I am due to go back to work tomorrow.  Ugh.  I’ve been out with a medical condition the last 10 days, per doctor’s orders.  Now, hopefully they won’t give me too much grief about getting back to work. Maybe they’ll let me go, I have no idea.  And if they did let me go, I wouldn’t cry one bit, I really dislike that job and could find another a little easier if I didn’t have to worry about this one.  I’m thinking I am going to look back in the smaller sector – outside of big corporate America once again.  Small business just suits me much better.  Hell, if I had the cash I would do something on my own again, a new start up.  That could be in my future, I’m just not sure which direction I want to take right now.  For the moment I will continue to try to work for someone else, but in the long run I should really try to get back tot he self-employed world.

All things to consider for 2015.  I’m not one to make New Years’ Resolutions….I just like to think about making each year better than the previous.  Although 2014 was a great year for me, so 2015 better step up to that plate!  I realize that it has been through some positive changes, a very positive attitude and hard work that I made 2014 good, so I must carry on those things; it’s all up to me.

I’m going to clean up Christmas today, put the tree away and get my cave here back in order.  I don’t like to let things just sit.  So I will pack it up for next year and put everything away except the snowmen and snow globes.  Yeah, crank on some good music and get my ass cleaning this house up; whip it back into shape for the coming new year.

I’ve really missed my Mushball terrible the last few days. She’s visiting with her family in Madrid.  It’s difficult on me when we can’t have our daily Skype conversations and we don’t text as much because we’re with our families.  I really hope that we find that time to spend together here very soon…Sometimes I wish my superpower was to teleport.  eh….

Old Friends

A couple of nights before Christmas my phone rang…”Your dog is in my garden!” a voice on the other end proclaimed, I busted out laughing, I’d know that voice anywhere!  It was my best friend from Army basic training calling me from Arizona.  I learned that voice in 1980 and never could forget it.  So, it was awesome to spend some time on the phone reconnecting with her.  We hadn’t talked in a couple of years, life just gets away from you sometimes, and you forget to do things like stay up with those far away.  We did some catching up on friends and family, her husband and son are doing great, and she sounds like she is as well.

She and I certainly have some history and fond memories of raising some serious hell togehter during our weekend passes with the Army.  The two of us were the drill sargents’ favorites– because we were serious about both our soldiering and our partying!  So we used to be invited to the private parties with the drill sargents quite often.  I have some great photos of us wearing their drill hats and being just as stupidly silly as 2 young 19 year old soldiers could be together.

After basic training was over and she went to another fort to train as a truck driver, I stayed at Fort Dix and trained as a mechanic for the motor pool.  We kind of lost touch for a while, but we always sort of circle backa nd find each other every so often, always have and still do!  The bond that we developed during our basic training was quite strong, we were both young, both very athletic soldiers and both very competative.  We were two of the first women to be integrated into a co-ed style basic training, where the women’s platoon trained directly alongside of the men.

Our company, Charlie Company, had two platoons of male soldiers and one platoon of us females.  Bek and I were part of the five women who led that female platoon.  Both of us were squad leaders, and our friend Deb was the platoon leader.  Two of our other buddies were the other two squad leaders.  The five of us were hell bent on being thge best female soldiers that the Army could have produced at that time, and we pushed our platoon hard.  At the end of basic training Bek ended up getting the coveted Soldier of the Cycle award for being the best overall soldier of the entire company….which was quite an achievement considering we were the first fully integrated co-ed company.  The guys were NOT happy about her getting that award.  Subsequently the Army stopped the integrated training, citing that it was not good for the male morale.  ha!  Seems the mend couldn’t take it that they had lost that coveted award to a strong woman like Bek was — and still is today.  She’s currently the Road Captain for the Patriot Guard Riders, a motorcycle group that is heavily involved in the ceremonies and funerals for veterans and various other programs for soldier returning from the multiple wars we are in right now.  She takes her position very seriously.

Bek is a great friend.  And one that I have to say has been a big influence on my life since I was 18.  Sometimes you make these life-long friends that even though you don’t have daily contact you know they are still in the most awesome excellent friends catagory for life.  Bek is one of those friends to me. We’ll be buddies until the day one of us buries the other.  I’m really lucky to have this type of friendship experience, there’s nothing like the friendship of someone who will spend nights in a muddy foxhole freezing to death with you while you are fighting not only the enemy, but a bad case of bronchitis to boot! (Yeah, that happened!).  She’s always had my back, and I’ve always got hers. Booooyaaaaa.

I find it amazing that after all these years and after we’ve spent most of our lives in very different ways…each of us walking very different paths…that we have managed to keep our friendship alive and well throughout.  We’ve always managed to keep track of each other.  Even pre-internet location services we’d track one another down by calling our respective parents to inquire.

One very fond memory that I have of Bek is New Years’ bringing in 1981…we were just two wet-behind-the-ears puppies in the world.  We had finished basic training and were on leave. When leave ended we would be separated to two different military installations for our Advanced Individual Training (AIT).  It was a hard separation on both of us, we both cried like freaking babies.  I had never had such a close friend in my life up to that point, and it didn’t feel right letting her go so far away after we had become so close.  So, it was one of those ‘defining moments’ for me.  Before we went on our ways off to our AIT assignments we decided to get together one last time in Ohio at her family’s home in Fostoria for NYE ’81.  We had a great time partying and hanging out that one last time and her family treated me like one of their eight kids, I fit right in.  After that we lost touch for several years.  And the next time I saw Bek was in Germany when her Dad visited and got us together for a reunion over there.  He was a great guy and we got along famously.

Anyway, that’s the short version of the story of one hell of a friendship, and of someone who has had a profound impact on me.  Bek inspired me to be the best that I could be as a soldier, which translated into just being the best I could always be doing whatever I was doing.  Her fierce competitive side made me want to be fierce too…I tried to be as good, or better, than she was at everything we did…I always pulled up a close second because she had a bit of height on me and was just that much more confident.  My featherweight ass was all of 5’4″ and 100 lbs. soaking wet.

Oh, and she is straight…which I didn’t care about then, nor do I care about now.  I do remember that back then I was not “out” to her about my own being gay.  It was something that I had not yet completely come to terms with myself and not sure how the hell I was going to handle it when I did. I was fearful she wouldn’t want to be my friend if she found out I was queer, so I played along and didn’t let that proverbial cat out of the bag with her until years later, once I had become more comfortable with it myself and more confident that I would only lose friends who were not really “friends” with my disclosure. By the time that I told her, she was more mature and handled it perfectly — it didn’t matter, I was still her best buddy regardless.

So I was asked about choosing 5 people from my life who made a difference in my life.  Bek is definitely one of my five.

Do you ever reconnect with old friends?  What’s your favorite part about reconnecting?

Lucky Butch

Ah, as I get my ass in gear here this Christmas morning, I realize I have nothing to complain about at all.  I have everything I need and could want here in my humble abode in Maine.  Sure, it could be warmer, but why complain?  I chose to live here, so I chose to be cold, right?  Right.

I bought myself a bunch of new clothes for Christmas.  My shirts now FIT and it’s a great feeling.   Yesterday I went out for some last minute gifts for family members, and ended up at Old Navy buying myself 2 new long sleeved button downs, and a pair of snazzy new jeans, 2 stripped short sleeve shirts…then I ended up at another place and picked up 2 MORE long sleeved button downs.  I think, that through procurement during this festive season, that I need to put a moritorium on buying myself ANYTHING for a while.  I have a ton of clothing, it’s one of my quirks.  I like clothes…nice neat, clean, plain style clothes.  I admit it I am a Butch clothes ho.  Oh, and boots…yes, I have quite a few pair of really nice boots.  I don’t like the cheap stuff, so they are high quality and will definitely outlive my white ass.  Someone in the future will get some nice clothing and boots at the thrift store after I migrate to the next life!

I bitched and complained about being alone this morning, but that’s what I chose to do, so I need to quit bitching.  I could have gone elsewhere, I didn’t have to be alone, I chose to be so.  The person I wanted to be waking up with this morning is far away…but still I didn’t need to wake to an empty house, I could have chosen other options.  I could have gone to my sister’s for the night, or gone over there this morning.  I am going to be going to my parents’ home for Christmas dinner and family gift opening later on in the day.  Until then I have this marvelous quiet, a beautiful Christmas tree to enjoy and Nola to keep me company.  I’m a lucky Butch.  Plus I have all the gifts I gave myself…clothing, new tools and a few other things.

I’ve shined my boots, and gotten nicely dressed for the day.  I’m ready to do some socializing, have a few mimosas and relax.  I need to just cut loose, and live a little here.  I need to realize that there are things that I wish were different, but I cannot change at this time, so I just learn to live with them as they are now.  And why be unhappy about it when I cannot change it?  Seems stupid to me.  I want things to work out in the future, so I must learn to be more patient now.

As these last few days of 2014 come, I am happy to be healthy, and content here.  I seriously want for nothing, and could ask for no more in this life.  I’ve had a really good 2014, and I will go into 2015 trying to make it even better.  I”m looking forward to starting off the year the right way.  My birthday is in the beginning of the year, and I’ll check off another number in the book.  53 completed years…amazing.  Again, I am one lucky, lucky Butch.   ~MB

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all out there.  It’s Christmas morning, very early, and I am up having coffee and tending to the dog who wants to eat and go out and play….and play…and play.  She’s cute in the lights of the Christmas tree, and it’s a very sweetly quiet morning here, actually too quiet.  I should be making a nice breakfast, but I’m not hungry.

Today I will pack up my gifts and head over to my parents’ home in No. Hampton, where we will have a delicious prime rib roast dinner and then have our family Christmas gift opening party.  Why the changes this year, I am just not sure, but I don’t care for the changes one bit.  It’s disrupted my Christmas spirit; derailed it to death.  I’m used to Christmas being one way since I have been doing it basically alone these last several years, one way and one way only.  I spend Christmas Eve with my parents, crash at their place, get up and have Christmas with them, and then go to my sister’s for dinner.  It’s been this way for years.  BUT, this year they changed it all around.

I was thinking this morning, as I padded around the house searching for my slippers, that next year I may consider being away for Christmas.  Anywhere, just not here.  The way my life is set up I’d rather be someplace different than be here doing this again next year.

A friend of mine is on a cross country life journey type of excursion right now.  He’s been posting tons of pictures from one end of the western US to the other.  Yesterday I believe it was grand pictures of the Grand Canyon — one of my favorite places in this world I must say.  The mornings waking up on the Grand Canyon’s rim were astounding.  There is nothing in this world like the sun rising on that place and the vivid colors all coming to life.  Nothing.  And it’s been a long time since I’ve been there….like 2005 maybe?  I don’t recall the year, but a long time ago.  Perhaps a nice long excursion through the old Route 66 once again is in my future.  Of course that would mean I need to buy a new motorcycle to make the trip worth while.

Things work out.  Somehow I manage to make them work out.  I just want things to be good and to work out well.  It’s not so much to ask I don’t think.