Butch Stuff, General Blips, Relationships

Growth and Change

I’ve been writing in this blog for a few years now, and I know my opinions have grown, morphed and changed over time.  Sometimes I even think I know what I think about things and then my experiences take me somewhere totally different in reality.  Always I write from the point where I currently AM in life, as only one can really do.  And sometimes I get mad about something and it comes out in my writing.  Sometimes I am tempted to remove a blog because of my changed positions on a particular subject, but then I think that “hey that’s what it was then.”  And without change you cannot have growth, so change is important in so many aspects.

We can all look back in our history and see things that we may have changed or done differently, or said differently given the knowledge that we possess today.  God knows I do!  If I only knew what I knew today years ago I could have avoided quite a few bad situations and maybe even a few very certain encounters in my life.

Views and opinions can change as well…at least I know most of mine have changed a few times over in my 5 decades of learning.  Because we are always learning and always exposed to new or updated ideas our opinions and views will morph with the new information. Something new is always reshaping us in to who we wake up to be the next day.

Examining your life is a means of codifying your values and the value system of the individuals you interact with on a daily basis. We seldom investigate what motivates us—living our day-to-day lives becomes little more than habit. Looking at your life through the eye of an explorer allows you to uncover the forces that have shaped your pattern of belief and behavior. In doing so, you will discover what is truly important to you on a soulful level and what has become a part of your life out of convention. You can then take what you have learned and organize it into a coherent guide to life. From your musings, a practical philosophy will emerge. When you take the time to examine your life today, you will discover how your life has evolved.

Some things don’t really change though, like some of our deeper personal preferences.  While they don’t have to be set in stone either, they do have some resemblance of their original foundation. Like for instance, I’ve known my preference for loving women since a very young age, and that preference itself has never changed, but my taste in types of women has ranged around the spectrum slightly…never toward other fully Butch women, but I have dated a few of the Tomboi Femme types – still they are women, I have never deviated from my original foundation preference in that way.  Perhaps I have deviated in the types, from the Diva Femmes to the Tomboi Femmes…but generally they’ve all been at least more feminine than my own Butch presentation, and this has remained constant in my preference…perhaps even the only real constant, the more I think about it and those I have had influence my life at different times.  Bottom line is that I just prefer 100%  women and women’s bodies, period.  I’m always going to prefer women who are confident in who they are as women.

A lesser example is that I’ve also changed my preference in being a dog person.  Once upon a time I was more of a big dog type, preferring German Shepards and Labradors, but now I prefer smaller “puntable” kinds of dogs.  I find them easier to handle, easier to care for and less worrisome overall.  I know this is a very biased opinion, but it’s mine and I’m keeping it.

I think that we all go through these changes, and you never know when someone is going to enter your life and make you think just a little bit differently about something you thought you had down at one time. When that happens it can really make you think, or rethink things.  I’ve recently rethought my own identity stuff, and preferences, and I do admit I come back to a pretty similar place as before with both issues…but still I have been made to seriously review some things.

And different people will enter you life offering very different things.  It’s that diversity in people in my life that I really value.  I have a lot of very very different types of people sprinkled through out my history and my current days.  This variety of people have given me insight into lives that I never thought I would see, good, bad and ugly along the way.  I have friends who are the full range of the social scale it seems, and each of them have taught me things about the world or about myself.  They’ve all had an influence, no matter how tiny or great, they all contribute.

I do not think that a person’s basic ethics or values are things that change much.  We establish some of those very fundamental values at very early ages, and they tend to stick with us over life.  Such as my value for honesty, tolerance, and equality. Those values were taught to me as a very young child and have not changed, if anything they’ve grown more deeply rooted, and tried and true with time. Anytime I have broached violating one of these core values I have found myself feeling like total crap.  I can’t stand a liar, or a person who just can’t tell the truth period.  I can’t stand a thief.  Stealing seems so hurtful and senseless to me.  Yet there have been times in my life when I have lied and I really suck at it, so it’s never been anything that I could do with any success…I attribute this to my basic ethical value for honesty.

In summing this up, while I know I have changed some of my outlooks on somethings, it is very true that my core preferences and my core values have remained somewhat constant throughout my life.  I’m sure there’s more to come, more changes and more adventures that will further change me.  I’m just happy that I never stop learning!

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