Things Butch-Femme

Scary

Evidently I scare people.  It’s just a fact.  I am not sure why.  But I’m really sick of it and I don’t know how to change.  If it’s about how I look, then I can’t change it.  If it’s because I am too passionate about things, that’s going to be really hard to change too.  If people think I am some kind of thug, they are just way off base because I’m the furthest from those days as I can get.

The internet is a scary place.  People like to come into your life and then sometimes they exit just as quickly.  I just don’t know who to trust anymore.  It scares me to even let myself get friendly nowadays, let alone let people into my life any closer. I trust too easily, and I am seeing that now.

I’ve been real.  I’ve been authentically myself, and yet that’s obviously just too much for some people.  So if people can’t handle me then they should just stay away.

I’ve had a pretty bad few days…this just sucks.  I don’t know what to think, and no one seems to get me, so why even try explaining.  I hate being alone so much, and will be glad to go back to work just to break the loneliness cycle somewhat. I know that doesn’t mean I won’t still be lonely, but at least I will see other people more regularly.  Although, I know that just because you have people around you doesn’t mean you aren’t still lonely.

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10 thoughts on “Scary”

  1. I hear you. Even my own family tell me I’m scary. I find it baffling. Yes, I’m passionate about my views, and no, I don’t look like other people might expect. Is that what makes me scary?
    It is lonely, but when I do make a friend they are usually someone special. They may only stay in my life for a short time but I’m grateful for the experience while it lasts.
    Waiting for a new friendship to turn up as I seem to have run out of the old ones.

  2. I work, have about 70 people around me daily, plus oodles of students, and I still am lonely. I am in a loving relationship, but I still get lonely. I guess some of us are just meant to be lonely. Know you are one of the Order of Loneliness! 🙂

  3. Well I hear you about the loneliness/aloneness thing. I’ve come to think my aloneness is a good thing and could be called solitude and I can work with it to be as positive and self-loving as I can. The loneliness I’ve come to think is more of a yearning to “return home” to be part of God, the Light – The Universe, however you might express that for yourself. This is an understanding I’ve come to for myself after doing a lot of reading and listening to others’ experiences and I’ve taken what fits me and discarded the rest.
    I bare myself, too, in my personal writings, and it is me being open and honest as I can be – and sometimes afterwards I get scared and think I’ve revealed way too much, and I worry about bringing unwanted “stuff” down on my own head – but the bottom line for me is I can only be at my best when I write that way so I just keep writing and hope I won’t live to regret it – which, really, why would I? Whatever happens it will be a growthful experience for me. Just my own way of dealing.
    Finally, if others are scared of you then that is something going on with them that they are perceiving in you. It isn’t about you and it isn’t your stuff. When people tell me they are scared of me I get all bummed at first but when I get my head back on straight I guess I have to be thankful that something about me allowed someone else to have their own personal growth experience.

    I don’t know if any of this will help but keep on keeping on being yourself – that is your very best! And I find your writing and persona to be refreshingly interesting and never boring, thank you! xo

  4. Hello. I know how you feel. Some people look at me like I am some kind of odd creature. I am butch, so I look mostly like a guy. Some people are so ignorant and ridiculous.

  5. I was just thinking of writing a post on this very subject. I love so passionately, so fully it seems I mess relationships up so very fast. I am mated, yet I love to have people in my life…I want a tribe. Not to have sex with, just to be with….it’s hard to explain, and no one seems to get it. But when you are passionate and live life full blown it’s hard to be around people who aren’t on the same wave length. sigh….blessings love. Everything will work out.

  6. You’re not scary, and there’s nothing wrong with passion or being passionate. I’ve always found you to be kind, caring, intuitive, intelligent, sweet, you should consider that maybe you just sizzle and burn too bright 🙂 there’s just some people that can’t handle straight forward, or intensity or what you got going on ..you just keep being you…this too shall pass

  7. i dont know you, but i say this…BE YOU – DO YOU – REMAIN HAPPY. you cant go around changing you because others get scared. a great sum of ppl are afraid of truth and realness, even when they so desperately ask for it. those of us, who remain passionate about our Us have a tendency to scare others, because they are afraid of our truth and plain simpleness in being outwardly who we are.

    please dont change. i get the feeling just by reading this blog(post), you may very well be a damn cool person. BE YOU – DO YOU – REMAIN HAPPY. have you ever heard the kinda hip way of someone saying, “gyrl, i’m scaared of you!” its said and meant to mean, ‘damn i cant believe you said that/did that, outright, without a bat of an eye. you got ovaries (balls)/guts/heart/soul etc’. its actually a statement of compliment. “gyrl, i respect that. i’m scared of you. badass.” <<see it this way.

    lmao. they are scared because….you're such a badass. dont they wish they were too.

    {{{{{interweb tribe hug}}}}}

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