ROAR…I woke up this morning like a tiger; in a great mood and ready to pounce. Of course, no pouncing for me, I’m alone this morning – which is just as well because there’s only one woman I wish to be pouncing upon! 🙂 And she is not in the country currently. Thus I will store up the energy for when I do see her smiling face!
Yes, I am wound up. Not sure why. I wasn’t well yesterday, but today I feel like a million bucks. I love it when I wake up in this kind of mood, it means my day will be far more productive and busy – which I like. Not being busy gives me far too much time to think and keeps me in my head too much, which is never a good thing for me. Part of the reason I am anxious to return to work is to fill some of the day’s hours with people and busy work. Work to me is partially about socialization. I would never do a job where I didn’t have to deal with people on some level, it would be far to boring!
I spent a couple of hours this morning already interacting with other bloggers; a sort of morning collaboration of the minds over coffee and keyboards. It’s great to see new bloggers trying their hand, like TheInvisibleFemme who just came on board with WordPress. (Readers, remember to check out her intro blog and let’s give her some encouragement and follow her!) I am always interested in new points of view, or views from other like people in different parts of the world. Annabelle (Theinvisiblefemme) happens to be in Sydney Australia where it’s a little different from LGBT life here in the USA. So it will be interesting to me to hear how she walks the world of the Femme there in her country, and to see how it’s different from here. Then of course I am also always interested in knowing more about my Femme counterparts! Hey, a good Butch is always trying to know more, understand more and see more, right?! Stop learning and you might as well be dead in my opinion.
I’ve found the blogs on WordPress.com to be exponentially helpful in understanding many different kinds of people, places and ways of walking this tightrope we call life. I have several favorite bloggers which I will link out at the end of this post. And I have found encouragement for my own work, good critique and much positive feedback and of course, with a few haters sprinkled in for good measure. Hey, not everyone will agree with my opinions, and that’s fine. I like to be the type who can agree to disagree politely.
My own blogs tend to be all over the place in topics sometimes, but primarily I speak about my own personal perspectives on life as a Stone Butch and things related to Butch-Femme dynamics/lifestyle. I live the life 24/7 myself, so it’s of interest to me to know how others fit the dynamic in to their lives, or if they too just live the lifestyle. I evolved to living as an out and proud stone Butch, I wasn’t always this way because of other life issues and spaces that I inhabited previously. For example with my ex we didn’t subscribe to the labels or identifiers much. Of course we also lived as a lesbian couple in a very hetero world. We didn’t have very many other lesbian friends, and the few we did have lived like we did – just happily in a mostly hetero world where we all surrounded ourselves with positive, supportive straight allies. Neither we nor our friends were into the bar scenes (those went out in the early 90’s for all of us I believe, it’s an age thing). So we lived, worked and played with our straight families and friends 99% of the time. Per chance did we find ourselves around a group of our gay friends -most of whom lived in Boston or California – it was a unique experience and either meant someone was getting married or having a baby. (Lesbians and babies…I developed a severe aversion to the pairing after some overload exposure years ago.) So we were either attending a reception or a shower.
It’s been a topic of conversation lately the “where is the community” question and some of my Butch friends have expressed some envy over the good times that my friend L and I have been having as two Butches bonding over Butch stuff. So I was thinking about this, and yeah it’s not a norm for rural Maine, and not really a norm for other places or so I am told. I’ve heard of Butches sort of not wanting to hang out together – which I don’t get at all. Or Butches that want to “mark their territory” and be the only Butch around, surrounding themselves with Femmes and other non-identifying type lesbians. (Never sure what to call them.) One young Butch wrote to me and asked how she would go about finding other Butch lesbians to hang out with and talk with – hell that’s all we really want to do with each other is chill and talk – and I was pretty much at a loss as to tell her what she could do. I don’t “seek” out specific types of people to be friends and hang out with. I am very open to friendly exchanges with about anyone as long as they are good people and accept me for who I am. That’s all anyone needs, to be accepted where they are, as what they are. Thus, most of my personal friends around here are straight, although this summer I have had the luck of finding a small group of LGBT buddies in the area as well, which has been super nice and made things way more fun for me.
I don’t think that I would choose to move to some place that was “known” for it’s LGBT population. It seems like a dumb reason to move for one, and I bet it would be a drama scene and a half. When I have been in those spaces (i.e. No. Hampton, MA or P-town) I notice tons of bravado and hyper-gay stuff. I notice the cliques that think they are better than the next clique, and the uppity snobs that drive me nuts. I can take P-Town for about 1 night, then I want to be back in my quiet, low key world. North Hampton has always been interesting and I spent a good amount of time there with my ex-wife who is a Smith College alumni, but even NoHo is changing and LGBT people are blending in with the crowds now. Isn’t that the way we want it to be actually? We ask for equality, part of that is just being a citizen of a town and not making our sexuality the main focus of who we are as people, but just being accepted as people period – – hell, my sexuality is only a small fragment of who I am in reality, so I know I don’t want it to be the main thing that I am remembered for in the end.
So in answer to my young Butch friend’s question about how you build community…it’s one person at a time. And the community you build for yourself should be supportive of you as an individual, and you of them as individuals. Maybe they won’t all be LGBT, but they all bring things to the party; unique perspectives, styles, and strengths. If you’re looking for more LGBT input and you live in a rural area you may have to use the internet to locate some like minded people, start by meeting one or two and soon the circle will grow as each brings in a friend or two. Pretty soon you can have that party, find those friends and even encounter some weirdos probably. It’s all trial and error. As I have gotten older I know that one’s sexuality is far less important to me than who they are as a whole person. I’d rather have 8 cool straight buddies than one screwed up lesbian friend!
Well seeing as how I feel so damned great today I think I’ll go get my hair edged, not cut at all just cleaned up around the sides, front and back…it always makes me feel super good – hell sexy even! Hey got to stay looking half-way good, never know when Brittany Spears may show up at my door….heh…only kidding folks! I’m thinking of letting my hair grow out a couple of inches for winter. Keep my head a bit warmer and also just for a little change. I can always have it clipped back down if it begins to drive me too crazy in length.
Also I picked up a couple of Tristan Taormino’s books at B&N the other night, so I am into reading them right now. Probably shouldn’t since I am alone so much….even reading about sex winds me up like an 8 day clock. But I am thinking today that lounging on the grass at the park with Nola and a cold soda and my book would be a great way to spend part of my afternoon. Ah! A friend of mine wrote and told me about how I inspired her to read out loud with some friends of hers, because I like to read out loud and personally think it can be a super cool activity. I once read entire “The Grapes of Wrath” out loud while traveling on the OLD Route 66 from Oklahoma to Needles, CA…that was the coolest trip. (No I wasn’t the driver! lol)
Books: The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino
When She Was Good edited by Tristan Taormino
Three other good bloggers here on WordPress.com
ButchCountry67 Perhaps my favorite read.