Post 5: Six Things I Wish I Had Never Done

rTo continue the 10 day post challenge that I was given…

Six things I wish I had never done.

1.  I wish I had stayed IN the Army for the full 25 years and not just done my 6 and gotten out.  The Army instilled much of my character and taught me much self confidence, self reliance and self control.  I was young and stupid to finish my committed time and returned to civilian life…I was much better as a soldier.

2.  I wish I had never started smoking cigarettes.  It’s the worst damned habit and a bitch to quit.  I struggle with quitting constantly, and eventually I’ll get it…eventually.  

3.  I wish I hadn’t ever meddled in hard drugs.  This one is sort of self explanatory…no hard drug use…no hiv now…plus none of the stupid and harsh things I saw, did and experienced in that world would be stuck in my mind today.  

4.  I wish I had been an easier kid for my parents.  In hind-sight I can see that I have always been kind of a handful and managed to make trouble on quite a few occasions for them.  All I can do now is be the best person I can be with them and the world and hope that I make up for some of the difficulties I brought on.

5.  I wish I had not had my mid-life crisis at 46 and gone buck wild like I did.  I kinda left a good amount of destruction in my wake, and that I am sorry for.  I should have stayed right here in Maine and not traversed the country, not broken a heart or gone where I went.  I did have some good times, but it wasn’t the smartest of choices that I could have made during that time.

6.  I wish I had thought harder about some of my tattoos….duh

This is hard…I haven’t got a full list of things I wish I had never done.  I usually do what I want to do in life, and I don’t regret even the not so good things, because they are all part of the foundation of experience on which my character and life are built. Sure, I like everyone wish that sometimes I had taken a different action in a situation or made a different decision over some issues, but for the most part I am fairly guilt free and not heavily burdened by anything that I did in my past that I wish I hadn’t done.  At the moment we make decisions they seem to be the right ones, and if you stick to them then they definitely ARE the right decisions.  

 

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2 Replies to “Post 5: Six Things I Wish I Had Never Done”

  1. That is a heavy list, but you are still here so you made enough good choices. I can’t quite see you being career military – maybe it is my bias against the “military industrial complex” but the military, police, and corrections all seem like soul killers (hardens the soul of the person who works there) – you seem like too much of a free spirit to suck up 25 years of it.

    1. You’re probably right, I was in quite a bit of hot water at times during just the 6 years…but I think I had sort of approached the end of my super young boi rebellion days at the point where I did get out. I could have sucked it up…until my full conscience matured and I realized the oppression. I got out mostly because I was wanting to live full time as an out Butch lesbian and they frowned on my lifestyle and made me hide myself for 6 long years…so it WAS time for me.

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