Post 5: Six Things I Wish I Had Never Done

rTo continue the 10 day post challenge that I was given…

Six things I wish I had never done.

1.  I wish I had stayed IN the Army for the full 25 years and not just done my 6 and gotten out.  The Army instilled much of my character and taught me much self confidence, self reliance and self control.  I was young and stupid to finish my committed time and returned to civilian life…I was much better as a soldier.

2.  I wish I had never started smoking cigarettes.  It’s the worst damned habit and a bitch to quit.  I struggle with quitting constantly, and eventually I’ll get it…eventually.  

3.  I wish I hadn’t ever meddled in hard drugs.  This one is sort of self explanatory…no hard drug use…no hiv now…plus none of the stupid and harsh things I saw, did and experienced in that world would be stuck in my mind today.  

4.  I wish I had been an easier kid for my parents.  In hind-sight I can see that I have always been kind of a handful and managed to make trouble on quite a few occasions for them.  All I can do now is be the best person I can be with them and the world and hope that I make up for some of the difficulties I brought on.

5.  I wish I had not had my mid-life crisis at 46 and gone buck wild like I did.  I kinda left a good amount of destruction in my wake, and that I am sorry for.  I should have stayed right here in Maine and not traversed the country, not broken a heart or gone where I went.  I did have some good times, but it wasn’t the smartest of choices that I could have made during that time.

6.  I wish I had thought harder about some of my tattoos….duh

This is hard…I haven’t got a full list of things I wish I had never done.  I usually do what I want to do in life, and I don’t regret even the not so good things, because they are all part of the foundation of experience on which my character and life are built. Sure, I like everyone wish that sometimes I had taken a different action in a situation or made a different decision over some issues, but for the most part I am fairly guilt free and not heavily burdened by anything that I did in my past that I wish I hadn’t done.  At the moment we make decisions they seem to be the right ones, and if you stick to them then they definitely ARE the right decisions.  

 

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Author: MainelyButch

I am a pretty relaxed, proud, Butch and a native Mainer who enjoys reading, writing, blogging, vlogging and social interaction. I live in southern Maine, near the coast with my 2 small dogs and I hail from a very large, loving family that is historically rooted here. I write about my life, my experiences, living successfully with HIV, my YouTube experiences, and just about anything that piques my interest. This blog may contain profanity and sexual situations, and is not intended for younger audiences. Read at your own risk. At 54 I see life as just beginning a new chapter, and have decide this is the time that I need to write the stories that got me to this point. I believe we live our lives in chapters, changing, evolving and moving continuously with the times. I love to laugh, have discussions, debates and even the occasional nonsense conversation! I generally enjoy people, but not drama, hatred, ignorance or those who choose to feel they are somehow elite or superior to another simply due to their mere existence. I try to be very conscious of the health of the world around me - environmentally, socially, economically, and ethically. The people who are dear to me know me as having a tough exterior, filled with marshmallow and crunchy peanut butter. I continually strive to be the best I can be, especially to address life head on...always.

2 thoughts on “Post 5: Six Things I Wish I Had Never Done”

  1. That is a heavy list, but you are still here so you made enough good choices. I can’t quite see you being career military – maybe it is my bias against the “military industrial complex” but the military, police, and corrections all seem like soul killers (hardens the soul of the person who works there) – you seem like too much of a free spirit to suck up 25 years of it.

    1. You’re probably right, I was in quite a bit of hot water at times during just the 6 years…but I think I had sort of approached the end of my super young boi rebellion days at the point where I did get out. I could have sucked it up…until my full conscience matured and I realized the oppression. I got out mostly because I was wanting to live full time as an out Butch lesbian and they frowned on my lifestyle and made me hide myself for 6 long years…so it WAS time for me.

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