Things I’ve learned, or been reminded of, this summer!`

I’ve learned that when I am physically and mentally more healthy that my life goes much more smoothly.

I’ve been reminded that I can make anything happen or work if I truly want it to; nothing comes without the desire and commitment to doing the work required.

I’ve learned that putting my best foot forward will open many more doors for me to walk through.

I’ve been reminded that I first have to make myself happy before I can make anyone else happy.

I’ve learned that only I can determine the path that my journey takes.  The universe may guide me, but it’s my choices that determine the outcome.

I’ve been reminded that I alone determine what is right for me personally, and what is not.

I’ve learned that when I understand what is right for me, and when I accept my responsibility for my own happiness, that I can be one extremely happy Butch!

I’ve been reminded that not all femmes are alike.  Some are more needy, controlling and manipulative – those are who I now choose not to get involved with in any way.

I’ve learned that my pain levels, and my general physical and mental health can be directly related to a good diet and staying active.

I’ve been reminded that people can be strange, irrational and mean -and just plain stupid.

I’ve learned that I alone can easily choose to eliminate those people from my daily life.

I’ve been reminded that there are good, caring and intelligent people coming into my life all the time

and I’ve learned how to invite them in and to be a good friend, a great neighbor and a superior lover.

I’ve been reminded that my family is one of the very best at being dysfunctional, but I love them all so very much and would have them no other way.

I’ve learned that my place in said family is rock solid.  They love me, look to me and support me in so many ways.  I will always strive to be my best for them.

I’ve been reminded that the sea is full of fish…I discovered this on a recent deep sea fishing expedition…but also that the “proverbial” sea of life is also full of many fish…just that most are the kinds that you should immediately throw back and usually you only get 1 or 2 real keepers in the mix.  Be selective.

I’ve learned that pain is necessary.  I have some very twisted ideas of pain, one is that it’s necessary in everything, and second is that it can be quite pleasurable in actuality.

I’ve been reminded that beauty can often just appear out of nowhere.  And when it does you best have your eyes open wide.  And with life on the other side of 50 you also begin to see beauty in places that you never looked before.  Open your eyes.

I’ve learned that I can do about anything I set my mind to, and do it damned good.

I’ve been reminded not to just consider the packaging, it’s the contents that really count.  Anything can look good, but does it do the trick? Does it satisfy the need and meet the grade?

I’ve learned that Expressing ourselves honestly in any relationship is essential to our well-being.

I’ve learned about stopping often to consider what it is that I have learned and been reminded of more often now…it’s a good way to stay on top of things…so you may be hearing more of this from me in the future.  Peace.  ~MB

 

Just when I wasn’t looking…

I feel like I am walking on clouds lately…it’s an amazing and really new feeling.  

I could really get used to this.

So I haven’t written publicly these last several days; someone asked, was I distracted?  Hell yes.  Very distracted – in a very, very good way. 

I tend not to talk/write much about my excursions into the dating world online, the reason for this is pretty apparent…it pisses some people off and just causes me problems.  But it’s hard not to talk or write about it when it’s something that is so at the forefront of my mind and thoughts.  I like to protect myself; and protect my lovers’ identities unless they are consenting to be known to be with me.  For this reason I try to keep things on the more cryptic side.  And I also don’t write about just anyone…it has to be someone really special for me to be at ease enough to write about.

 When one door closes, another opens somewhere…isn’t that how the saying goes?  I have had this happen just recently.  And when she opened that door just a crack, I saw something that made me very inquisitive…and thank my stars I acted upon that curiosity because I have discovered someone really super special.  She’s sweet, vibrant, smart, sexy oh and did I mention absolutely gorgeous?! It’s been a long time since I have felt some of these things that I am feeling for her.  And it’s not like I was seriously ‘looking’ for anything, but things are developing between us that I am really pleased with thus far.  I want to spend all my time thinking about her, talking to her and hopefully moving towards spending some good time with her.  

She is rapidly changing my thoughts about things.  She has given me serious pause for thought.  Once I thought that I had a ‘type’ that I preferred in dating – looks wise I would always be more attracted to those women with long, dark hair, dark eyes and who were more high-maintenance femmes.  She completely tears that ‘type’ apart.  She’s femme, but not the same type of femme that I have previously had in my life.  I could use a couple of dozen great adjectives to describe her, yet none would do her justice!.  She’s just fucking perfect.  AND she lives in the same state!  How much more perfect could the situation get?    

She has a pretty complicated and complete life where she’s currently at in the world.  I actually like that about her.  She’s not letting any grass grow under her feet in life.  She’s in a field of work that she seems passionate about and that is familiar to me from years of working around it in my life previously.  So I am perhaps a bit more understanding of the obligations that she has and I know that I may not be able to see as much of her as I may want to because of her work and family situations.  That’s okay, as long as I do get to see her when it fits both of us.  I’m not trying to tie up all of her time, just some spots where she’s got the room, a desire and wants to be with me.  I am lucky, I can be really flexible with my own time – at least until I return to work in the Fall.  Plus, for her, I would drop anything I was doing for a chance to just spend a few hours with her.  Yeah, she’s got me that bad!  

Who knows what will happen or where this connection may take me – or us. I may not be the ideal Butch for her.  She may even be out of my league, but I know I want to give it a try for sure.  And although I am a little bit wary of dating and women these days, this one particular woman has completely captured my attention.  And, dammit,  I want to have fun in life; I want to be happy << okay, so I AM actually pretty darn happy lately anyway, but I mean happier with my love life as well!  

She’s had some not so good experiences in dating too…so I think we are both a little skeptical that this is going so well with us thus far.  I’ve tried to assure her that I am not here to cause her any kind of anxiety, or to bring any kind of drama to her life. That I want to be something good for her, and not someone who wants to control her or bring her down.  I’m in a good place myself, so I don’t want those things for myself either, I just want to relax and enjoy life – and I’d like to do a lot of enjoying of it with her in my arms.  I’m sure once we spend some good time together she’ll see that I am pretty laid back, I like to laugh and want her to laugh with me, and that I have a lot of good energy to bring to the proverbial table.  

Ah, the feeling with this woman is really, really good!  I haven’t felt this good about something for a really long time.  And I am about due for some awesomeness in my life!  Things are falling into place for me, all around, and this is just a huge bonus to meet a great woman who makes me laugh, smile and who makes my heart skip a beat when I talk to her.  And – get this – she seems to really like me back!  How lucky can a Butch GET?!  

Now, I said in a previous blog that I only needed two things this Fall…a new girlfriend and a new truck…Karma, are you listening!?

Asking…

By stepping out of our comfort zones and asking for what we want, we invite the universe to open lucrative opportunities for growth and advancement. Many of us hesitate to ask for what we want because we fear hearing the word no. If we pause to consider that our every action sends a clear message to the universe about what we expect, however, we will see the wisdom of being bolder in our actions rather than holding back in hesitation.

 

No one wants to hear the word No. But, unless you ASK you will never know.  I asked the universe to bring me better choices, and it has done that.  I’m truly amazed…and quite pleased I must say.

 

Full Moon

Saturday: Gibbous Moon Phase: trust

I saw this moon driving home last night…it was absolutely incredible.  Something about how close, low and huge in the sky that it was struck me.  

Sunday: Full Moon Phase: realization

Full moon falls on August 10, 2014 . This full moon is not only the closest and largest full moon of the year. It also presents the moon’s closest encounter with Earth for all of 2014.

 

Moonoverocean

Deep Sea Fishing…

Some days I feel so f**king good, and so damned lucky that I have to slap myself to make sure it’s real.  Today is just one of those slap-happy days.  Life is good.  

Sometimes things happen in an instant, and for a reason.  I’ve always said that people come into my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime…and once you know and see the reason, you can move on to the season…I wouldn’t change a thing.  

I got my good health, T-cells like mad, and lots of things to look forward to…

It’s supposed to be a beautiful next 2-3 days here.  I am going out deep sea fishing on Monday.  Now, I am NOT a fan of large spans of open water…so we’ll see how my pirate ass does on that boat.  I do love to fish, and the company should be very fun as it will be some of my siblings plus some of the pool company employees and the kids.  I am sure I’ll be stuck with the kids, that’s where I always end up – cuz usually they’re the only ones not drinking thus the only coherent beings that I can tolerate.  I do not do well with a bunch of rowdy drunks, and being confined on a boat deck with them could be even more nightmarish.  

I’ve never been deep sea fishing.  The back-story of my not doing much ocean fishing is that during the summer of 1980 I was out on a lobster boat off of Duck Island and a storm came up and capsized the boat…it was pretty traumatic, and even before the incident I was not well for ocean sailing…needless to say that cured me of any need to return to pirate-hood that I ever had. I damned near drown, I thought my boyfriend (yeah, I was 18 and trying to pretend I was straight at the time, lost cause.) was dead for over 2 hours til his drenched ass washed up still alive half a mile up the harbor.  It was scary, and I hated him for ever convincing me that we needed to be out in that weather.  He tortured me that summer with those boats and the ocean, so I now have an even healthier respect for it.  (Incidentally, he died 5 years ago when a rogue wave hit his lobster boat out of the Isles of Shoals..just like I knew would happen to him one day).   I swear I was a pirate in a previous life and died at sea, thus the inherent fear of the ocean…that and Jaws 1977…THAT is why I do not SWIM in the ocean either.  Thus, another near-death experience of mine.  End of story.  

So, Monday should be interesting to say the least.  Yes, I will definitely have my video camera along.  I wonder what the temperature is off shore in the Atlantic Ocean right now?  I’m betting we won’t be swimming!  

New Work with TVTP

I started working with a very interesting project in the last few days, the Transgender Violence Tracking Portal.  My job – to research murder and violent cases concerning *Trans victims.  It requires a lot of hunting down of information and reading, data entry and understanding why it’s important.  

The purpose of the portal is to collect the maximum data possible for analysis and the to further our understanding and ability to work for changes to bring about justice.  Not only are these victims brutalized and often murdered, but they are defamed in the media reports and press releases.  Still in today’s world the media can be such a cruel place, often mis-gendering, misnaming and reporting with bias and hatred of their own.  *Trans related hate crime goes under-reported more than any other type of crime; why? Because of fear and because sometimes the authorities don’t care to do the paperwork and leg work of establishing if a crime (even a murder) IS a hate crime.

Fact: During 2011/12  76% of LGBTQ victims were *Trans, with 67% being people of color.  

The woman who invited me to lend my energies to the project, Ms. Allison Woolbert, is nothing short of amazing, and so filled with such a deep passion for the work.  Allison is also the continual target of hate from the infamous Gender Identity Watch of Cathy Brennan and hateful homophobic and transphobic blogger Dirt.  Having had my own dealings with these two TERFs in the past, I was more than ready to jump on board to help Allison with this TVTP and in her war against the TERFs and their continual spreading of misinformation about *Trans and gender variant people like me.  

I know that I open myself up for some hatred by joining forces with others in fighting this inner community hatred from the GIW and similar groups, but if I don’t step up how can I inspired others to step up too?  It’s all of our responsibilities to address hatred, homophobia and transphobia and injustice where we encounter it – in our daily lives, from our relatives, from our governments, and from known hate groups like the GIW, as well as the more infamous such as the Westboro Baptist Church and the religious right.  

I would love to hear what you, dear reader, have done or are doing to help combat homophobia, transphobia and blatant discrimination in your community.  Comments invited below!  And as always personal email to my account at MainelyButch@yahoo.com are always welcome.  Peace.

(Note: The abbreviation Trans is maked with an * to denote that it is used here as an umbrella term).