I feel like I am walking on clouds lately…it’s an amazing and really new feeling.
I could really get used to this.
So I haven’t written publicly these last several days; someone asked, was I distracted? Hell yes. Very distracted – in a very, very good way.
I tend not to talk/write much about my excursions into the dating world online, the reason for this is pretty apparent…it pisses some people off and just causes me problems. But it’s hard not to talk or write about it when it’s something that is so at the forefront of my mind and thoughts. I like to protect myself; and protect my lovers’ identities unless they are consenting to be known to be with me. For this reason I try to keep things on the more cryptic side. And I also don’t write about just anyone…it has to be someone really special for me to be at ease enough to write about.
When one door closes, another opens somewhere…isn’t that how the saying goes? I have had this happen just recently. And when she opened that door just a crack, I saw something that made me very inquisitive…and thank my stars I acted upon that curiosity because I have discovered someone really super special. She’s sweet, vibrant, smart, sexy oh and did I mention absolutely gorgeous?! It’s been a long time since I have felt some of these things that I am feeling for her. And it’s not like I was seriously ‘looking’ for anything, but things are developing between us that I am really pleased with thus far. I want to spend all my time thinking about her, talking to her and hopefully moving towards spending some good time with her.
She is rapidly changing my thoughts about things. She has given me serious pause for thought. Once I thought that I had a ‘type’ that I preferred in dating – looks wise I would always be more attracted to those women with long, dark hair, dark eyes and who were more high-maintenance femmes. She completely tears that ‘type’ apart. She’s femme, but not the same type of femme that I have previously had in my life. I could use a couple of dozen great adjectives to describe her, yet none would do her justice!. She’s just fucking perfect. AND she lives in the same state! How much more perfect could the situation get?
She has a pretty complicated and complete life where she’s currently at in the world. I actually like that about her. She’s not letting any grass grow under her feet in life. She’s in a field of work that she seems passionate about and that is familiar to me from years of working around it in my life previously. So I am perhaps a bit more understanding of the obligations that she has and I know that I may not be able to see as much of her as I may want to because of her work and family situations. That’s okay, as long as I do get to see her when it fits both of us. I’m not trying to tie up all of her time, just some spots where she’s got the room, a desire and wants to be with me. I am lucky, I can be really flexible with my own time – at least until I return to work in the Fall. Plus, for her, I would drop anything I was doing for a chance to just spend a few hours with her. Yeah, she’s got me that bad!
Who knows what will happen or where this connection may take me – or us. I may not be the ideal Butch for her. She may even be out of my league, but I know I want to give it a try for sure. And although I am a little bit wary of dating and women these days, this one particular woman has completely captured my attention. And, dammit, I want to have fun in life; I want to be happy << okay, so I AM actually pretty darn happy lately anyway, but I mean happier with my love life as well!
She’s had some not so good experiences in dating too…so I think we are both a little skeptical that this is going so well with us thus far. I’ve tried to assure her that I am not here to cause her any kind of anxiety, or to bring any kind of drama to her life. That I want to be something good for her, and not someone who wants to control her or bring her down. I’m in a good place myself, so I don’t want those things for myself either, I just want to relax and enjoy life – and I’d like to do a lot of enjoying of it with her in my arms. I’m sure once we spend some good time together she’ll see that I am pretty laid back, I like to laugh and want her to laugh with me, and that I have a lot of good energy to bring to the proverbial table.
Ah, the feeling with this woman is really, really good! I haven’t felt this good about something for a really long time. And I am about due for some awesomeness in my life! Things are falling into place for me, all around, and this is just a huge bonus to meet a great woman who makes me laugh, smile and who makes my heart skip a beat when I talk to her. And – get this – she seems to really like me back! How lucky can a Butch GET?!
Now, I said in a previous blog that I only needed two things this Fall…a new girlfriend and a new truck…Karma, are you listening!?